Love can come in many forms, sometimes it instantaneous, sometimes it creeps up on us without us knowing. There’s the love we feel for our friends, our family and that unexplainable, unconditional love when we becoming parents. Sometimes we love things, sometimes we love places, memories, smells and taste. Love is one of the greatest gifts we have been given as humans, but losing love, I believe is the greatest loss of anything, whatever form it came in.
For me, my first great love was that of my cat Milo. I was 21 when he came into my life a gangly, not so little, ginger kitten. Instantly I fell in love, a deep meaningful love. For all intense purposes, he was my baby, my fur baby. He was all I could ever ask for in a cat. Loving, gentle, docile. He was a doofus, but my gorgeous doofus and it made me love him even more. I never had a close friend, someone to confide in. Milo became my confidant, my shoulder to cry on over the years. His devotion to me never faltered. Not even when my little baby Fin arrived and my attention was elsewhere.
In October I blogged about how I almost lost him to Heart Failure caused by undiagnosed hyperthyroidism. Our Vet, Andrew was amazing and with his help, we were able to give Milo some borrowed time. How much was unknown, but I was grateful for any. Over the months Milo had his ups and downs, but I had always been able to nurse him on his off days, to encourage him to eat when he was feeling a bit down. To pay back the love and devotion he had unconditionally given to me.
Andrew had spoken to us about the end to prepare us, but I never understood how I would know the time was right. Although there were a few occasions where I had questioned if it was time, it never seemed to be. I worried I was missing something. However, in April, Milo took a turn for the worse again. This time I knew, I looked into his eyes and something was missing, I knew this time he wasn’t coming. Saying goodbye was heartbreaking, but it was time for him to take his final journey and for me to experience the greatest loss I have ever experienced. That day a little part of me also died.
Milo was such a big part of my Life and I am so grateful I got to spend a few more months with him. It still doesn’t seem real, I keep expecting him to walk through the door at any time. I have cried a million tears and I am crying as I write this. The house seems so odd with him not here. I felt relief when we his ashes were back, he was home again. I haven’t yet had the courage to do anything with them, in time I will, but for now just having him back is enough. Milo was never a wanderer, it would not feel right to scatter him, he loved being at home with us so that’s where he will stay, for now, his ashes in our home, his pawprints in my heart.
RIP my dear old boy, I’m sorry it had to end so soon.